This is weird. You see I usually start my posts with pathetic excuses to redeem myself for not blogging often enough. But then, considering I just posted something 3 days ago, that intro doesn't exactly fit, which is kinda bugging me cause I'm really into traditions. By the way, did I mention I turned 18?!
It's freaky yet all so amazing how I can feel entirely different from that person who started this blog merely a year ago. So much can happen between these short few blog posts, I'm only just starting to realize how much time has passed now that I'm 18. Growing up is never easy. It's like leaving a part of yourself that you're finally comfortable with behind to discover the new you, and it can get pretty scary when you really start to know yourself better. You start seeing yourself as who you really are, despite what people perceive you to be. For the past 5 years, I've been trying hard to portray myself as who I think I really am, discovering myself, and gradually learn not to apologize for it. It's hard cause most of the time, you lose people in that process till a point you wonder if it's still worth holding on to what you believe. You wonder if it's okay to just be who you are because being true to yourself can end up being the loneliest thing ever.
I gave up a lot of things to be at this point. Self expressing and speaking up meant having some people taking it the wrong way, it also meant hurting some people unintentionally. But beyond that, it meant closing in the tension and resolving issues that were kept unspoken between friends and family, instead of just letting it fester. If there's one thing I learned from this life experience, it's that everything comes at a cost, it's just a matter of finding out what's worth and what's not.
Anyways sorry if that got a little emo-ish. I get kinda emotional when I talk about my feelings -what a baby! Thanks a bunch to those of you who left me birthday messages!
Sometimes I wonder if I really deserve all of THIS.
Seeya guys on the flipside,
Leiwen.
p/s: I made my best friend late for school today. lololol.
