Last week literally threw me into a melting pot of emotions. My head has been feeding me with feelings I can't ever seem to render and I honestly didn't know what to do with them. In fact I couldn't do anything at all except futilely resisting the emotions that kept me in apathy all week. I tried turning my focus onto my assignments and unit exams but my endeavor kept falling through those emotions. I have to admit I was really lost then. Thank God I have great friends I can laugh and talk with because they definitely alleviated the tension and sorta helped me pull through. Those people truly inspire me more than they'll ever know, but there are just some time in life where you don't even want to be inspired. It's sad I know but somehow, it felt almost better that way.
I decided to leave Sunway that weekend and spend some time at my aunt's place. It wasn't exactly the best place to be during the weekends, with no internet and zero accessibility to anywhere unless you have a car, you pretty much just get do nothing. I thought I'd pay her a courtesy visit but little did I know being there was just what I needed to fix me right up. I took full advantage of things, shamelessly sitting in front of the telly all day like a sore loser while she worries about my meals. Did I mention she's the best cook? More importantly I took time for myself and contemplated those feelings one by one, figuring what to take into concern and what not to, deciding which to embrace and which to just forget. It was a really liberating experience for me, I felt like I've just gone through another stage in life.
Growing up requires you to build self empathy and I'm really glad I have a better understanding of my emotions now. I'm confident I'll be able to handle them much better in the future. Gosh I feel mature already! Now all that's left to do is to mend the damage done, especially to my studies. Thankfully my report paper went well but it's a slightly different story for my unit tests. I mean they weren't devastating but there's definitely a lot of room for improvement. So yea, right now I'm depressed with regrets of not working harder and learning how to set my feelings aside sooner. And speaking of downs, I'm also really bothered by the fact that my social skills isn't improving. It takes a lot outta me to utter the word 'Hi.' even to someone I've already known for more than a month, and I'm STILL eating alone at lunch can you believe it? Sigh. I just suck so much at this "life game" I should probably be kicked out of it.
I guess the only good thing that spurred out of those unpleasantness is more pool action. I did a good 40 laps over 2 sessions for the past 2 weeks. I thought swimming really helped lessen the pressure and tension everything seems to be giving me these days and the feeling I get after every swim is almost out of this world to be honest, although "out of this world" also sometime means 'tired to death'. Well a good exercise never hurts anyone. =)
<3 Leiwen.
ps: Home bound tomorrow after 6 loooooong weeks. I should be happy right?
