Hey guys, sorry to leave everyone(I really mean no one) hanging for so long. I have always seen this blog as a place where I can express myself like I'm never able to in real life but lately, it has just been a constant struggle with time given the truck load of assignments from college as well as my reproachable tendency to procrastinate and have too much fun.
So yea having said that, I guess it is somewhat of a relieve to get some time off the fast lane this holiday, you know, just being able to kick back and enjoy the sweet serenity of doing nothing. Seriously, I've been sitting around in boxers all day, eating off a peanut butter jar and catching up on some zombie action(I'm so far behind The Walking Dead I can't even...), trying to make time between now and March 21st(Langkawi baby!) magically disappear. Turns out I am actually doing something after all. In fact I was even thinking of heading out for a haircut when I'm done with this post to make my day feel a little bit more productive.
Here's the thing, it's just been non stop for me all the way since college started last year that racing time and sleepless night has become the norm. I do't know if it's the assignments or social obligations that are really consuming me but the point is that my life is so accustomed to being hectic that a moment of stop like this can result in the worst case boredom. Then again, maybe it's for the best after everything that has happened.
Break-ups are never easy. There are a lot of feelings involved and most of them are hard to quell. With all that has been going on, it felt wrong for me to make things even more complicated by putting too many emotions into it. That was why I was being so apathetic about the entire situation. The thing about friendship is that it is in a way like a marriage, where we all have to sacrifice and stick together for better or worse. As far as I can see, when you put a group of people together, there are bound to be infighting and truth is, it's completely normal just as it is completely OK for people to disagree with one another. We're only human. It's just in order to move past that rut and become friends, we have to think outside of ourselves and learn to accept them for who they are. That's partly the reason why I have a habit of putting a lot of faith in people, too much at times.
Sadly there are some who have no intention to make a friendship work at all. There are some who would rather search until they find something they can pull apart. And in a time when everyone else is most vulnerable, they flourish. Do you know how it feel to put so much faith in a person that turn out to be a let down? Having them look you in the eyes and tell you that they never gave a damn in the first place? You can't really blame a person for pulling out of a relationship because they don't feel it anymore, but when it became about all this other irrelevant bullshit, it all seems as if they were never a part of it and that you were on your own from the very start.
It's not very hard to believe how we all got to this point, especially seeing how perfectly it all started and how it went after. Have you ever thought to yourself that things are going so great right now that something bad is bound to happen, constantly edge yourself at the defense line and keep your fist in a ball to brace for what's coming next? Maybe I'm being a complete realist for feeling that way, or maybe it's because I know how awful it is to not be prepared for the worst. Either way, I don't know why did I ever thought that that was worth it because I know for certain that there are at least a few good people around me, a phone call away if not physically, who can look me in the eyes and tell me that they love me. I've got just enough blood in my veins and air in my lungs to know that I'm alive for a reason and that is enough to tell myself aloud that I'm alright.
My lord this post is all over the place. I have no idea how you made it to the end of this but if you did, I guess what I'm trying to say between those lines is that sometimes when things seem like they're falling apart, they are actually falling into place. Sometimes you have to go through the free fall to realise that you're better off at the bottom. People can be disappointing. They can put you down in the worst kind of ways but never ever let that be a reason to not be happy and get in your way of having faith in those who really care.
