3 weeks that I can barely remember since the completion of my first semester at MUFY. You should know that I use the word 'completion' in the mildest sense because as we speak, I'm making a frantic last minute sweep of some Malaysian Studies notes before sitting for my last test of the year which happens later in the morning. Then can I only officially proclaim the end of my semester. Anyway, since I still have a few more hours before I need to prep and leave, I figure I'll drop by here to write something.
Well for starters the days that spanned through those 3 weeks were anything but predictable. First I traveled all the way down south with mom to grandma's, then I took a spontaneous trip up north to Penang with 2 of the best people I'll probably ever know in this lifetime, watched Twilight/Breaking Dawn or whatever it's called, caught up with my buddy of 14 years, switched telcos... is this boring to read yet?
From a more emotional point of view, I have also come to realize within the 3 weeks just how much of doubt my life is filled with. I couldn't be certain of anything, not with my friendships, not with where my life is headed, not with who am I as a person. It's like my life is hanging on this delicate balance that can tip off with the slightest misfit and with that my entire life as I know it will come crumbling down. You might say I'm being melodramatic but truth is I can't seem to ever make the right decisions, or say the right words to please the people around me. My mom always tell me just be yourself but when I do speak my mind, people get upset and I end up taking back words that I used to stand by and swallowing the truth to salvage the relationships that I think mean a lot to me.
At this stage, I guess I still can't be fully honest with anyone and I wonder if anybody can ever really be. There we go acknowledging people as ours bros and buddies or even soul mates when they don't even know half of who we really are. It seems like we are all sculpting our personalities based on other people's criteria. I know I'm making the world seem all pretentious but how else do relationships beyond blood ties flourish when everyone is different in one way or the other. I mean conflicts are bound to occur at some point and somebody is bound to give in the end even though they might not necessary feel the same deep down. Sometimes I think maybe the world is indeed meant to be this huge theatrical act and I should probably just suck it up and accept that this is how it works.
Well, that came outta nowhere. Seriously a few hours ago I didn't even know I felt that way. Guess the mind is at its most honest state at 5 in the morning. Well that's that. The sun is now blazing above the horizon and I really need to go dress up and get going. Sorry if I ran on sentences or my paragraphs contradicts one another because throughout this blogging process, I'm constantly exchanging glances between my computer screen and the Malaysian Studies notes on my desk. Also I just woke up and proofreading isn't exactly in my best interest to do. There isn't really a climactic way to end this weird post so here's an Instagram of Sunway at 7am.
Well for starters the days that spanned through those 3 weeks were anything but predictable. First I traveled all the way down south with mom to grandma's, then I took a spontaneous trip up north to Penang with 2 of the best people I'll probably ever know in this lifetime, watched Twilight/Breaking Dawn or whatever it's called, caught up with my buddy of 14 years, switched telcos... is this boring to read yet?
From a more emotional point of view, I have also come to realize within the 3 weeks just how much of doubt my life is filled with. I couldn't be certain of anything, not with my friendships, not with where my life is headed, not with who am I as a person. It's like my life is hanging on this delicate balance that can tip off with the slightest misfit and with that my entire life as I know it will come crumbling down. You might say I'm being melodramatic but truth is I can't seem to ever make the right decisions, or say the right words to please the people around me. My mom always tell me just be yourself but when I do speak my mind, people get upset and I end up taking back words that I used to stand by and swallowing the truth to salvage the relationships that I think mean a lot to me.
At this stage, I guess I still can't be fully honest with anyone and I wonder if anybody can ever really be. There we go acknowledging people as ours bros and buddies or even soul mates when they don't even know half of who we really are. It seems like we are all sculpting our personalities based on other people's criteria. I know I'm making the world seem all pretentious but how else do relationships beyond blood ties flourish when everyone is different in one way or the other. I mean conflicts are bound to occur at some point and somebody is bound to give in the end even though they might not necessary feel the same deep down. Sometimes I think maybe the world is indeed meant to be this huge theatrical act and I should probably just suck it up and accept that this is how it works.
Well, that came outta nowhere. Seriously a few hours ago I didn't even know I felt that way. Guess the mind is at its most honest state at 5 in the morning. Well that's that. The sun is now blazing above the horizon and I really need to go dress up and get going. Sorry if I ran on sentences or my paragraphs contradicts one another because throughout this blogging process, I'm constantly exchanging glances between my computer screen and the Malaysian Studies notes on my desk. Also I just woke up and proofreading isn't exactly in my best interest to do. There isn't really a climactic way to end this weird post so here's an Instagram of Sunway at 7am.
